From Zero to Infinity
by Flagarach
Summary: In the latest chapter of "From Zero to Infinity": All servants have been summoned, and the pairs are now going their own ways: Some prepare for battle; others enjoy their food; and some even do nothing at all. With these seven new servants, who will win the first battle of the Grail war? See it in chapter 2: The First Battle!
1. Before Zero

**[Records of world: Earth-7731]  
>[Time: 03-02-1992 to 12-02-1992, according to the native human Christian calendar.]<br>[Location: Fuyuki City, Japan.]**

**[Prologue]**

**[20****th**** of January, 21:48|2 weeks before Point Zero]**

Kirei did not have a good day. Scratch that, his entire week was bad and to some extent everything that happened starting 3 years ago was bad.

That was the moment when red marks appeared on his right hand: so-called command seals, which prove that he is a participant in the Holy Grail War: a war whose winner will be allowed to have his wish, his sole desire, granted. The problem of Kirei however is that he lacks a wish, and thus a reason to participate. His father, Kotomine Risei, is a good friend of one of the three founders of this war, and ordered his son to assist that friend in battle so that they could reach the root, the wish (or at least supposed wish) of every magus. And thus Kirei was transferred from the Church to the Magus Association, trained in various magecrafts, and all seemed well… at least, until 2 weeks before the start of the Holy Grail war, when his package with the catalyst, an item associated with a hero of legend, would arrive.

When Kirei and Tokiomi opened the package, they found that their catalyst, the mask of the 19th of the Hassan-Il-Sabbah, was shattered like a porcelain teacup that was dropped from the Big Ben.

Risei entered the room, noticing the looks of displeasure and annoyance on the faces of his son and friend. "Risei," Tokiomi asked with a small hint of anger, "What kind of transport system did you use for delivering the package?"

"I made use of a company named FedEx, why do you ask?" Tokiomi took Risei by the hand and showed him the leftovers of the catalyst, proving once and for all that if you want to be sure that your package is in good hands, you don't let FedEx be those hands.

Taking the remains of the mask, Kirei went to one of the Tohsaka hideouts scattered through Fuyuki. Inside of this hideout was an already-prepared summoning circle, so he only had to speak the spell associated with the summoning. Placing the remains on the altar in front of the circle, he started chanting, hoping that the broken remains would still do their job.

Sadly enough, it wasn't meant to be. When the ritual was over, Kirei did not see a Hassan stranding in the circle. Instead, there was… a clown. A clown… Kirei, somewhat surprised by this new development, wondered how this person in front of him became a heroic spirit. What made it worse was the looks of this 'hero'… if you can call it that: a male of average height and posture, wearing a purple suit with green waistcoat and tie; The thing that really made him stand out was his face: it was painted white, just like his somewhat messy hair is painted green, the area around his eyes was painted black, and his lips were painted red… with the red streak continuing over the cheeks, making it look like he has one big red smile going from cheek to cheek. All in all, this person would be the ultimate assassin… against people with coulrophobia, that is.

"Are you… Assassin?" Kirei asked to the thus far silent man. This man turned to his master, before throwing out a small laughter.

"Assassin? Theoretically, yes; I am here as Assassin, but if you ask me personally? I really think it doesn't fit me. Assassins are all busy playing secret agents, making sure that everything goes to plan. But me? I don't plan. Where would be the fun in that? When I think: 'He should die', then I make sure he dies, and vice versa… though the latter one doesn't happen often… bats not included. If you want to call me by a more fitting alias, I guess you may call me Murderer. Or maybe…" Murderer suddenly took out a card from one of his pockets, and threw it into the wall behind Kirei, missing him by an inch.

Picking up the card that was surprisingly sharp (Kirei could easily slice some true ancestor in 17 pieces with it if he ever met one), he looked at the contents: it was the 53rd card from the deck, also known as the joker… "So, my little friend, seeing that this is clearly not Gotham, how do we get there as fast as possible?"

Kirei thought for a few moments, trying to remember any city with the name Gotham… but he couldn't think of one, and asked where exactly Gotham was located. "Don't you know any geography, master?" He somewhat angrily replied while sarcastically noting their relationship, "It is Gotham! Big American city with millions of people, a lot of crime, although that probably deteriorated after my disappearance… oh yeah, and most importantly, it is home to that Bat…" His face, twisted in an awkward combination of joy, love, anger, hate and compassion as he spoke out that last word, looked at Kirei, hoping to get a good answer this time, or he would kill him… at least, he wanted to, but that stupid Grail had a fail-safe that prevented murdering of one's own master. Bah.

"There is no city in America, nor anywhere else in the world that is named Gotham, nor do I know of any special bats that should live there." As Kirei said this with his usual emotionless expression, he was allowed the privilege to see one of the faces Assassin almost never makes: a combination of shock and horror, which soon turned into rage.

Dashing at his master, Assassin grabbed the collar of said man, shaking him while furiously asking where the hell Batman is.

But Kirei said that he doesn't know Batman. Even after Assassin explained who he was, Kirei gave only one response: "This Batman you talk about does not exist. Maybe he is a hero of the future or of the past, but not one of now. So Assassin, stop shaking me and put me down lest I use a command seal." There was no anger in his voice; no madness, no joy, no anything! The only thing that was found in his answer is just a straight-up answer that Batman, his arch-nemesis, his only thing worth living for, did not exist.

Dropping his master without any caution, he slowly staggered to the exit, mumbling and ranting about the worth of life and the nonexistence of Batman.

Kirei looked at his broken servant, and wondered how high the chance was that he got the strangest servant in the entire Grail war.

**[27****th**** of January, 12:59|1 week before Point Zero]**

The Tohsaka manor had quite a few secret rooms, passages and other hidden stuff. Among those was a single chamber that was usually filled with absolutely nothing, and was used to either practice magecraft or meditate. At the current moment in time, it was filled with a single chair, and upon this chair sat a single man: he was dressed in an ordinary brown suit, and his brown hair was styled in the most stereotypical '40-years-old parent' way. All in all, he looked quite average.

This person is none other than Assassin. Sitting in the chair like a lifeless doll, he didn't eat, drink, sleep, or even anything! And he's doing it for almost seven days straight! The two masters of the Grail war, Tokiomi and Kirei, were observing this shell:

"So, Kirei, have you noticed any changes in the behavior of Assassin?" Tokiomi asked with slight concern.

"Nothing whatsoever. He has done nothing for seven days straight."

Tokiomi was slightly distressed by this. After all, his original plans for the war became useless. Several starting strategies he created, like faking discord between himself and Kirei or faking Assassin's death became, well, useless. So he had to devise a few new ones.

The main advantage in this Grail war is that only he (And Kirei, but he's not an enemy, so he's not a counted factor) knows that Assassin is currently, and as far as it seems continues to be unable to fight. There has to be a way to take advantage of that…

Tokiomi thought of several strategies before he suddenly started to smile: he found a new strategy. Taking Kirei closer to him, he explained his new plans and showed how some other plans were still usable if they adapted them in just the right spots.

As he was done with explaining his strategies, he returned to the study, making some of the final preparations for his own summoning. Since if he could get his hands on Gilgamesh then surely, the Grail should be reached!

Sadly enough for Tokiomi, things tend to go out of hand when it comes to the summoning of Servants. But hey, it is the person who can make the best out of the cards he has been given that will win the Holy Grail, and have his wish granted. So let us see how the next master will use his cards:

**[30****th**** of January, 15:05|4 days before Point Zero]**

In a snowy mansion in Germany, the man known as the magus killer, Kiritsugu Emiya, was inspecting his equipment once again, making sure he was fully prepared. Instead of the equipment of a usual magus, there was more… practical equipment: Guns instead of wands, grenades instead of magic jewels, C4 instead of books and the list goes on. The only magical item lying around was another gun, the Thompson Contender, a gun which focuses on destroying the magic circuits of a mage, preventing them from using magecraft ever again. It was truly a weapon to be feared…and today, he would gain another weapon: A servant.

For the upcoming Holy Grail War, he would summon a servant 4 days in advance. This would normally be considered early, but it is a necessity: You see, the Einzbern he is working for gave him the legendary noble phantasm Avalon, sheath of Excalibur, belonging to the legendary king Arthur. His contractor hoped that he could summon this king as their servant. But king Arthur is only summonable as a Saber, and since that class is viewed as the most desirable, it is also a class that runs out of stock very early… so Kiritsugu's summoning should happen before everyone's else, and was thus scheduled for today.

Yet Kiristugu couldn't stop having doubts about this servant. While he has absolutely no doubts that king Arthur would be strong, he was more worried about the compatibility.

There are two important factors for every master-servant pair in the Grail War: Strength and compatibility. Strength is simply the strength of the servant: The stronger, the better. Compatibility is how well master and servant get along. While it might be considered less important and a strong servant with low compatibility can still win the Grail War… you should still remember that he will most like have a different master at his side than the one with which he started.

And that was Kiritsugu's problem: He knew that King Arthur was a paragon of chivalry, while Kiritsugu used every single dirty trick in the book to win. In other words, their compatibility would be somewhere between nil, nada and nonexistent. This gave Kiritsugu a second thought, a new possibility to take: Summoning a servant without a catalyst.

If he did that, he would be sure to get a compatible servant, but the power of said servant may vary. And worst of all, his boss, old man Acht, would probably not forgive him if he just summoned something without the carefully selected catalyst that cost the Einzbern thousands of Marks. Therefore he had his assistant create something for him: a fake relic.

It was a copy of Avalon, the sheath of Excalibur, but without its magic properties. If he used this, he was sure to get a compatible servant, probably one who would be more capable to act in the same way he does.

And so, Kiritsugu took the fake Relic with him to the location of summoning: A small chapel somewhere in the Einzbern forest. Placing the fake relic on the Altar, he drew the magic circle using a combination of various liquid metals. While he was doing this his wife, Irisviel von Einzbern, walked in on the preparations, and stayed with him.

As Kiritsugu explained several things about the Holy Grail war to his wife, he continued with creating the circle. When it was finished, he stood up and began the rite.

Chanting the incantation, he watched the circle grow brighter and brighter, until it shone so bright that it temporary blinded his eyes. Before his sight returned, his ears heard the proof that the summoning succeeded.

"Upon your summoning, I have come forth. Now, are you my master?" Kiritsugu was pleased, surprised, and disappointed. While slightly happy that the summoning was successful, he didn't expect his Servant to have a female voice. And when his eyesight returned, he was absolutely sure:

His Servant is female. She was a girl in her teens, with long black hair and red eyes. Her outfit is a black, sleeveless mini dress with a white collar and red tie and belt, and her hands are covered in red gauntlets and black gloves. Around her feet were black shoes and socks, and covering it all was a long black coat.

Kiritsugu, still speechless from this… unexpected servant, did nothing as his servant walked up to him and grabbed his right hand, inspecting it for the command seals. "Well, it seems like you are my master. Let's discuss our plans for the upcoming battle." Grabbing Kiritsugu by the hand, they walked, or in Kiritsugu's case, got dragged out of the holy place.

**[31****st**** of January, 10:56|3 days before Point Zero]**

In the snowy forests of the Einzbern, Kiritsugu walked with his daughter, Illyasviel von Einzbern. As he enjoyed the walk, he couldn't help but think about his own servant Saber.

She was truly a perfect match: Instead of a noble knight, he summoned a skilled killer, someone who would normally be more fit as an Assassin. She was perfectly willing to use dirty tactics to pursue her goals or betray alliances to take out an opponent. Sure, Acht gave Kiritsugu a big scolding for 'failing the summoning', but in reality he was even more successful. Now wha-

"Daddy, I've found one!" Shifting his attention from his thoughts to his surroundings, he noticed that Illya took the lead in the walnut bud searching contest that was going on between the two of them. Kiritsugu, trying to form at least some competition, searched around until he found one of his own.

"Daddy has found one too, you know?" Illya, surprised by this sudden event, walked over to her dad, seeing the other, slightly different bud that is going to bloom in a few months.

"Eeh, that's not a walnut branch."

"No, Illya." Kiritsugu explained wih a gentle smile on his face, "This is called a wingnut. It's a variety of walnut." Placing a soft hand on Illya's shoulder, he told her that it still counts as one.

Illya turned to Kiritsugu with an angry look on her face. "No fair!" She wildly flung her body around, angry at Kiritsugu for the fact that "You've been cheating the entire time!"

"But daddy can't win otherwise." Kiritsugu admitted. Kiritsugu did have to think how wise it was to use his usual cheating tactics against an eight year old girl, but considering that that is what he did best, he had no regrets. After all, it was pretty much the only path he ever took... his whole life was unlimited pragmatism works.

Humphing, Illya turned away from Kiritsugu, claiming that "If you keep cheating, I won't play with you, Kiritsugu!"

Putting his hands in front of his face and bowing slightly, he apologized with both words and deeds, promising Illya that he would play fairly… this time. (He didn't add the last part out loud.)

"Very well. Then I will challenge you again. A champion must accept all challenges!"

Kiritsugu said that he was honored and picked up Illya, placing her on his shoulders as they continued to search for walnut branches.

In one of the rooms in the Einzbern castle was Irisviel, who watched all that happened to her husband unfold. "What are you looking at, Irisviel?" The voice was from Saber, who entered the room with the afternoon snack: a cup of tea and cookies for Irisviel and a cup of tea and several meat dishes for Saber.

"Oh, I'm just looking at my family. Tell me Saber, what do you think of them?" Saber looked down, deep in thought for a small moment, before she gave her answer:

"While I have no particular opinion about Illyasviel, I think that Kiritsugu and I are alike in many ways." As Saber said this, she walked to the window, seeing Kiritsugu pointing out another branch. "Although I didn't guess that his cold persona was the same kind of facade as mine."

"He's a kind man at heart, Saber. Please, protect him and his dreams in this war." As Irisviel gave a melancholic smile to Saber, she twirled her spoon in the tea, worried about the upcoming Grail war.

Saber, seeing the melancholic smile, immediately understood the situation. "Yes, I will, Irisviel. But tell me: Is it truly necessary to let yourself die for the sake of this war?"

Irisviel, turning sadder every moment, explained how she was following the same ideal as Kiritsugu, and was ready to give up her life to accomplish that.

"Then I will accept your sacrifice, and make sure it will not be in vain. I will make sure that we will win the Grail war, so that you will be the last one who has to die for true peace!"

Irisviel was relieved to hear this, and she asked if Saber could do one thing. "What do you want me to do?" Saber replied.

"Could you please eat up your meal?" Irisviel pointed to the not so steamy anymore meat, "It's getting cold."

"My meat! NO!"

**[1****st**** of February, 22:47|2 days before Point Zero]**

Finally, the moment for Tokiomi to summon his own servant has arrived. And Assassin was kind of a failure, so he had to make sure that this summoning will be perfect. None other than Gilgamesh is allowed to be summoned. Taking his catalyst, the fossil of the first shed snakeskin in history, to the basement, he perfectly performed the summoning… but failed. What a surprise.

Yet Tokiomi was not unhappy. While he didn't summon his desired hero, he did summon something powerful: An angel, or at least, something divine, if we take into account that said servant has beautiful white wings on his back. His clothes made his origin clear: a white tunic decorated with red and gold hems, fastened on the shoulder by an equal-colored gem and at the waist by a brown leather belt. He also has brown sandals on his feet, a few golden rings and bronze cuffs on his limbs, and as if they could make it even more obvious, a golden laurel crown on his head. Clearly, this servant is of Greek origin, and the bow in his hand probably makes him an Archer class servant.

However, this servant has one glaring flaw: Tokiomi only needed to glance at him to know his identity. After all, in all of known myth, only one hero fulfills all three qualifications of being an archer, having Greek origin and having wings, and that is the demigod Eros.

"I can clearly see that you're Archer. Are you perhaps known as Eros, the Greek demigod of love?"

Archer denied, claiming that while he was Greek, he wasn't this Eros guy, much to his master's surprise. "Anyways, nice to meet you Mister…"

"The name is Tohsaka. Tohsaka Tokiomi. I'm your master in this Grail war. First we have to bring you up to date about the events that happened recently." He walked toward the door leading out of the basement, asking Archer to follow him, which Archer did. "Let's start with the alliance between us and Assassin's master." Pointing at the other male in the room he explained that that person was their ally, Kotomine Kirei.

"But where's Assassin then? Or did he already start lurking in the shadows?" Tokiomi placed his hand on the nearby wall, which caused said wall to slide downwards, revealing a secret room that contained the other servant. And Archer was stuck with shock when he saw how Assassin was not very… Assassiny.

As the wall slid back up, Tokiomi explained some more facts, before he asked his Servant one of the most important questions: "What is your wish?"

Archer pondered on this question for quite some time, before he came with his answer: "You know how the era of the Greek gods has ended, right?" Tokiomi nodded. "That means that lady Palutena is gone too… but if I win the Grail, then I can make sure that lady Palutena and I will once again guide the people on the path of light!" Tokiomi was pleased with the noble answer of his servant, and guided him a little longer through his mansion before Archer decided to scout the city.

Archer left, and Tokiomi decided to sit down in his favorite chair, trying to make head or tails out of his new-found knowledge of Greek myth.

…

"What in the root is a Palutena?"

**[2****nd**** of February, 21:12 |17 hours before Point Zero]**

What is considered powerful? What is considered rich? What is considered successful?

If you would ask these questions to any student at the Clock Tower, chances are they would answer Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald. Born in a long-standing noble family with heaps of talent, many expected him to become the start of a new breakthrough in magic.

For now, he was busy with a magic ritual known as the Holy Grail war, and to be precise, it started terrible. When he was still doing his work as a teacher, reviewing the essays of his students, he noticed the ridiculousness of one of them, a not-so-great magus going by the name of Waver Velvet. It was based on utter rubbish, some "increase potential of a magus by means other than selective breeding". While normally people would get an F for such a failure, Kayneth upped it a step by openly ridiculing the script in front of the entire class.

And that might have been a bad idea.

Because he ridiculed Waver, said servant took revenge by stealing his catalyst for Alexander the Great. While he can understand that people get angry because they failed something big time (although Kayneth never failed more than "slightly less than perfect"), yet for Waver to go as far as stealing? From him?! That was unforgivable! He would make sure that Waver will be openly humiliated in this Grail war!

Taking his back-up plan, a spear point that supposedly belonged to the legendary Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, the finest spear-man of Fianna, he prepared the necessary rituals for the summoning. Everything was done as greatly as one would expect from a genius… but he somehow still failed.

Because in the middle of the summoning circle was not someone who resembled a 3rd century Irish warrior. Instead, this servant felt more… oriental, and of a later age.

It was a man who could be described in one word: Red. Every single piece of clothing on his body was red. Leg armor? Red. Waist Armor? Red. Jacket that didn't cover his abs at all? Red. Gloves? Red. Headband? Red. Pants?

…

Okay, those are white, but they have red flame patterns on them, so that counts as red too. In his hands were two tridents, with, you guessed it, red shafts. (The spear points were just steel-colored. Some people were disturbed with the lack of red.) His hair is surprisingly brown. It is also short and spiky, except for the longer ponytail at the back of his head.

All in all, this was not Diarmuid, but more likely to be some sort of samurai.

"Who are you?" Kayneth's question was the only thing he could've asked. After all, this was clearly not Diarmuid.

Lancer smirked at this question, before loudly proclaiming who he was: "I am summoned as Lancer in this Holy Grail war! In my life, I have claimed many titles, known as the Tiger of Kai, the Matchless Spear, the Crimson Demon of War and a Hero who may appear once in a hundred years! And now, I am here to serve under you, Oyakata-sama!"

"Lancer…" Kayneth said with slight anger. The anger was mainly self-anger directed at others, because he was angry that even his back-up plan failed.

"OYAKATA-SAMA!" Lancer shouted happier and harder than ever.

"Lancer." Kayneth, having relieved most of his anger, started to rethink his opinion about Lancer. Sure, it's not Diarmuid, but he still looks like a powerful warrior, and if the titles he spoke of are true, than he should still have one of the more powerful servants in the Grail war. Besides, his stats were supr-

"OYAKATA-SAAAMAAAA!" A very happy Lancer wanted to show his affection for his new master, so he did that in the same way he did with his old master: Punching each other in the face.

It's just so sad that Kayneth was not made to receive punches, so that single punch made him fly across the room… and through the window of the flat.

Kayneth's wife, Sola-Ui, had remained silent for the duration of the summoning, but decided that now was the right time to speak her first words: "Lancer, you do know that we are 100 meters above the ground, right?"

Lancer took this new information, processed it, and realized (to his horror) that his master was currently falling down… fast.

"OYAKATA-SAMA!" Jumped out of the broken window, he simply ran down the building, faster and faster, until he caught up with his master. Grabbing him while being only a few meters above the ground, he stabbed one of his spears into the side of the building and spun around it, creating a huge wheel of fire in the process.

After a couple of spins, he pulled his spear out of the building and jumped forward with Kayneth still in his hands, who was still somewhat shocked by all of this… but when he finally stood with both legs on the ground he was also grinning. He was grinning because he just found out that his servant was quite amazing, and certain to become a valuable asset in the upcoming war.

"Well Lancer, I must say I am impressed by your qualities." Kayneth said with a confident smile on his face that quickly turned into a more deadpan one. "Just never punch me again."

Lancer bowed down deeply, with a happy look on his face. "Of course, Oyakata-sama!"

**[2****nd**** of February, 23:35|15 hours before Point Zero]**

The war for the Holy Grail is a war between magi. However, this man was not a magus, yet he was one of the participants. Magecraft is something this master despises with his entire being, but he returned to it to save another from following this path.

After a year of arduous training which crippled his left leg, blinded him in one eye and decreased his life span to a single month, he was finally ready to summon a servant for the upcoming war.

Because of his own incapability with magecraft, he had his father Zouken perform most of the preparations: Said father prepared the summoning circle, got a catalyst for his son, and was the one who infused the son with countless of worms that slowly devoured the son's body in exchange for the ability to control a servant with magic power.

Truly, the life of Kariya Matou was a short one, yet filled with much hardship.

As Kariya walked to his father inside of their house's basement, he noticed that all the preparations were done, and wanted to start the ritual. He was stopped by his father, who ordered one last thing: He had to add two extra lines to the ritual, to make sure he would get the right type of summoning.

He fully did the summoning as his father wanted, hoping to gain a so-called Berserker who was part of the members of the Round Table.

The servant that appeared after the completion of the summoning was… not exactly what he expected, and he wasn't even sure if he succeeded in summoning what his father wanted or if he failed.

This servant in front of him was fully covered in black, but he wasn't covered in armor like you would expect from a knight. Instead he wore a black cloak, with equally black pants, shoes and gloves. These clothes covered every single part of his body, and neither Kariya nor Zouken could see the servant's face under the cloak.

"Kariya, I doubt that this is a servant of the round table." Zouken spoke with slight concern before dropping that attitude and going with more snide remarks: "Oh well, I never expected anyone but you to fail at the summoning ritual."

Kariya had no rebuttal. Instead, it was his servant that gave one: "I doubt that it was the summoning ritual that failed. I would opt that you go and reexamine if the catalyst you used was not a fake."

Zouken was temporarily at a loss for words. First of all because the servant rebutted him, and second of all was that the servant they thought to be Berserker spoke, which should normally be impossible. After regaining himself, he returned the favor to the servant by claiming that Kariya still failed to summon the intended Berserker. After all, Berserkers don't talk.

"I am Berserker."

Silence. Several seconds passed. One was silent because he expected an answer, and the other two were silent because of shock.

"You liar!" Zouken shouted before composing himself. "Berserkers should not have their sanity remaining! What are you really?"

"Once again, I am Berserker." Snapping his fingers, two more creatures appeared besides him. These were two humanoid creatures, which resembled some sort of Golem.

They have a bronze-colored upper body with thin upper arms, while the lower arms were thick and silver-colored. Its waist and thin upper legs were also silver-colored, while the lower legs were thick, grey and cylinder-shaped, separated from the upper legs by a blue knee brace. Its head was rather small and black, covered by a grey helmet that was decorated with a blue diamond. In its hands was a giant, T-shaped claymore, and they looked ready to attack.

"Perhaps I have been summoned as a Berserker because I control these beings called Berserkers. I also tend to rage and go Berserk if... certain conditions have been met. Now can I discuss the plans for the upcoming Grail war with my master without you asking pointless questions?"

Zouken was silenced by this servant, and had nothing to say, although he did wonder when the Grail started to understand the humor of puns.

It was Kariya instead who asked the final question: "Servant, just who are you?"

The servant walked past his master and the old man, claiming that he was nothing more than a nobody. "Now let's discuss how we will win this war and have our wishes granted."

**[2****nd**** of February, 23:57|14 hours before Point Zero]**

It was midnight, and most of Fuyuki's citizens were asleep. Most of them, at least… but some were still awake, including a young magus who was making a magic circle. Being halfway done he stopped for a moment to think and take another look at one of the objects he now hated the most:

It was a small box he stole from his teacher, containing the "remains of the cape of the legendary Alexander the Great". Or at least it was supposed to contain them. A small alchemic analysis proved that this "artifact" wasn't even a hundred years old, let alone 2300!

In other words: His teacher had been swindled, and because he stole it, so was he. And because the command seals were already engraved on his body, he had no choice but to summon a servant without a catalyst.

"Ah, I hope I will at least get a decent servant…" The magus sighted, before finishing the rest of the circle. There was not much else he could have done, though. His teacher, a man of wealth, fame, power and experience, probably had a back-up plan in case something like this happened, and even a back-up of his back-up plan. This student, Waver, was from an average family, and he lacked the contacts and the money to have a back-up.

Starting the incantation lines, the circle he made from chickens blood started to glow brighter and brighter. When he finished the incantation, a single person stood in the circle, and that person was clearly not Alexander the Great.

He was a blank man… and that was all that could be said about his appearance, because most of it was covered by clothes. On top of his head was a tricorn head with an especially high crown, and covering his eyes was a white mask, which made Waver think in slight horror that he summoned the weakest of all classes, Assassin.

The clothing covering his body is a grey and dark-brown cloak, which was tied with a blue ribbon, and a white boa was wrapped around his neck. While Waver couldn't perfectly see what was underneath the cloak, the small glimpses he did see hinted that his servant is wearing a black suit with black-white shoes.

As the servant calmly observed the situation, he explained that he was Rider, and asked if Waver was his master.

Waver confirmed this, and the servant gave a small nod of satisfaction. Walking to the water shore they were nearby, he observed the city while reviewing multiple strategies in his mind. "Hmm. I think that I have an idea or two I want to use." Returning to his master, he asked him to follow him. "There are a few things we have to prepare for this upcoming fight…"

**[3****rd**** of February, 02:19|12 hours before Point Zero]**

As most of Fuyuki was quiet… except for those very few spots where magi were summoning their servant, there was one spot where the slight noise of a motorboat could be heard (without any servant summonings nearby).

The motorboat contained two people, who were smuggling several combat tools into the country for personal use like guns, explosives, more guns, army knives, and even more guns. These two were known as Kiritsugu Emiya and his assistant Maiya Hisau.

The boat ended its journey in the Fuyuki docks, where it was pulled on shore by the two passengers and unloaded of its content. They quickly loaded the weapons into a pick-up car they prepared up front and planned to drive away, until Maiya noticed something strange:

"Kiristsugu, the shining building at 11 o'clock; there are no reports about a building like that existing in Fuyuki. Is there a possibility tha-"

"Most likely." Kiristugu interrupted, both knowing each other long enough that they could tell for sure that the thoughts they had were the same: That building is most likely the work of an enemy servant. "I'll stay here somewhat longer and scout that building. You drive this truck to the hotel and place cameras around the Tohsaka and the Matou. I will scout this building and place cameras around the Archibald. We meet back at the hotel at 5 a.m." Taking the orders, Maiya left with the truck.

Kiritsugu, equipped with a set of binoculars and a pistol that was hidden under his cloak, went to the strange building in a light jog. Upon closer inspection he found that it was a house the size of a giant villa, but he had no idea what kind of function it had. Worst of all was that it was build on a small island just outside of the shore, and to enter he had to pass a long, well-lighted driveway which provided no cover. Deeming it too dangerous to enter without his servant, he decided to just leave two cameras nearby, which should keep an eye on any suspicious movement nearby.

Now he just had to go to the nearby Melloi and place some cameras there. He had hoped he could figure out more, but so be it.

**[3****rd**** of February, 06:58|7 hours before Point Zero]**

After a long night, all the preparations Rider wanted to make had been set up, and they were back at their base, the house of the McKenzies. Waver, his master, was not so happy with some of the preparations.

"Rider! You just openly displayed three of your noble phantasms in front of the enemies! They're easily going to guess your true name now!"

Rider looked at his master, who was angrily flailing his arms around. "Sit." It was not an order, but the power Rider gave off made it feel like one. Waver sat down on his own bed, sighing.

"So what are we going to do now, Rider?" He asked with concern, "What was the point of these preparations?"

Rider sat down next to his master, and started explaining: "The reason I so openly displayed 3 of my noble phantasms is to confuse and distract our opponents. Tell me, what would the opponent think that our base of operations is?"

Waver thought for a moment, and eventually a smile crept upon his face. "Of course, they will think that we are in one of the buildings we placed!" The smile didn't last long, and Waver asked his second question: "But why do we need to show three of your Noble Phantasms? Wasn't one enough?"

"Not really. If we just showed the Opera house, then the others might suspect that it's a trap and would search for locations like these as our hideout. Now they either suspect that two of them are traps and the third is our real hideout, or they think that it was the work of multiple masters, which would suit us just fine." Sitting down on the bed next to Waver, Rider asked one very important question: "Why do you want the Grail?"

"Eh, where did that question come from? And why do you even want to know it?" a pouting Waver asked.

"Because I might be able to use your interpretation of the wish in the upcoming Grail War. I can also tell you things you need to know."

Waver hesitated for a moment, before he decided to spill the beans: "I… I want to be respected by the rest of Clock Tower. I want them to recognize my genius! That's what I want to use the Grail for!"

The servant, instead of respecting Waver's wish, chided him. "That's a pointless wish, master." Waver wanted to object, but he was quickly silenced by Rider. "If you win the Holy Grail war, you will have beaten 6 other magi who are probably all stronger than you, and these include the 3 founding families and your teacher. That should be enough of an accomplishment to be recognized by all of Clock tower."

Waver saw the point Rider made… which left him with no wish. "In that case… I have no wish…" He said; ready to enter a small depression.

Rider noticed the mood of his master, and tries to cheer him up: "Don't worry about it too much. Winning for the sake of winning is a good goal too. It was the same in the second half of my life."

This was the first time Waver heard of Rider's past. "Could you tell me a bit more about your life, Rider?"

Rider sighed, before he started to explain. "Some years after I was born, my father and mother were kidnapped by an evil organization, which left me and my brother as orphans. We were both adopted by separate foster parents, and I spend most of my youth studying tirelessly to get revenge. Eventually, I got married with a girl I liked, and we had a daughter together. I thought that I could give up on revenge and live a normal life, but they were killed by the organization too."

"That was when I donned this disguise, and started to oppose them full time. I searched for several ancient legacies that were also targeted by this organization. However, my plans were foiled multiple times by none other than my own brother, who didn't recognize me anymore."

"The last time I fought against this enemy was different: The legacies thus far discovered all let to the final gift of the old civilization. This was when my brother learned of our relationship, and we met our father again, who was now the leader of that organization. We managed to stop the organization, and my revenge was finally complete when my father was arrested and had to go to jail."

"Yet when all was done and over, my life felt empty. With nothing else to do, I set out for new adventures, making many discoveries in the field of archaeology. I remarried, got a few children, and eventually died of old age."

Waver was speechless for a moment, not sure what to say. So instead of saying something, he tried to think of a hero that would fit the description Rider gave… but he couldn't think of any servant with that life story and the ability to summon multiple buildings out of nowhere. Just who is this mysterious man?

Standing up from the bed, Rider walked to the window and opened it, which caused a dove to fly inside. "Master, there is something we have to do now. Could you help me?"

**[3****rd**** of February, 08:30|6 hours before Point Zero]**

When Kayneth woke up, he was thinking about how much of a nice day it was going to be. That all changed when he saw his servant standing next to the window.

That… thing…

It was big…

It was black…

It stood erect in the magnificent morning air…

And it was even bigger than his own…

"What the hell?!" Kayneth shouted as he pointed to the big black castle that stood erect outside of the window that was also bigger than his own castle back in London.

A castle that size that suddenly appeared out of thin air? To Kayneth, there was no other explanation then that it was a Noble Phantasm created by one of the other six servants! But which servant could it have been? What could have been his purpose? And what is the true identity of that servant?

"Oyakata-sama, I might know who the builder of that castle is." Kayneth looked with surprise and suspicion at his servant. Would he truly know, or was he trying to get on a higher standing with him? "The general who only believed in strength, Toyotomi Hideyoshi. I fear that he is one of our opponents in this war. But do not worry, Oyakata-sama! I swear on my soul that I will defeat all our enemies!"

Toyotomi Hideyoshi… Kayneth did study several legends in preparation of the war, and his legend was also studied… His servant did have a point: The Sunomata Ichiya Castle, also known as the one-night castle, was one of the main pinnacles of power Hideyoshi Toyotomi displayed.

But even if they knew the name of the opponent, there was something else that bothered Kayneth: "What do you mean with 'I fear that he is one of our opponents in this war'? Are you not capable of defeating this enemy?"

Bowing down deeply, Lancer apologized for making his master worry while also reminding Kayneth that "I may be of equal strength as him on neutral ground, but neither I nor my lord would be as foolish as to fight him in his own castle."

Kayneth put his hand to his forehead, a sign that he was thinking deeply. "In that case, we have to make sure that we lure him out. We will proceed with our plan as usual. You will go through the city at night and lure out the other servants. Make sure you are ready."

"Of course, Oyakata-sama!"

**[3****rd**** of February, 09:47|5 hours before Point Zero]**

Berserker was walking inside the Matou mansion, randomly going from one place to the other until he arrived in the basement.

It was once again filled with thousands of crest worms, and in the middle of those was a young girl known as Sakura Matou being tortured, molested and raped by them.

Berserker just looked at what unfolded here, but he showed no visible emotion as he saw this happen (The fact that he kept his hood up didn't help).

"I see you found little Sakura, Berserker. What do you think of it?" Standing behind him was old man Zouken. Berserker couldn't help but notice some of the similarities between them, as they were both clearly not human.

"It depends on what your purpose is. What are you doing this for?"

"So quick to get your answers from others? Try to figure it out yourself."

"Those worms give off the same magical feeling as you. I would say that you're trying to fill her with your own essence, turning her into a clone of yourself." Berserkers guess, while close, was wrong.

"I am using her as a vessel indeed, but not for myself. Instead, she will become a second vessel for the Grail. If I cannot win with the Einzbern Grail, than I will make one of my own to have my wish granted. First I break her ego completely until there is nothing but an empty shell left, and then I fill her with the essence of the Grail, like one does with a homunculi." Zouken turned to the servant with a big sadistic grin on his face, "Now, what do you think about this, Berserker?" He asked, hoping to see the servant in despair. "Does this make you rage, or does it make you hate me?"

Berserker didn't rage. He didn't hate him. "To use a girl as a sacrificial puppet just so you can fulfill your wish? No, I don't feel any anger or rage. I would have done the same if I could, and I cannot shake off the feeling that I at least tried to do the same as you did."

Moments of silence passed, before Berserker spoke again: "I think that I fit someone with your personality more than my current master, and you have more prana stored inside you. Can I team up with you instead of him?"

"Oh? How perceptive. But I'm afraid that I'm going to stake everything on the next Grail war. You must do the best with what you currently have, which is… almost nothing." Zouken chuckled, and went out of the basemen-

"Stop." As Berserker said this, a large blue claymore appeared in his hand, resting only a few inches from Zouken's head. "I don't think I made myself clear. We will team up for the upcoming war, and I won't take no for an answer."

Zouken, not impressed in the slightest by Berserker's display of power, simply let out a small laugh, and turned to the servant. "You can kill me if you want. Go ahead! But know that I will kill your master before you kill me, and you will die from prana exhaustion."

"I still have a back-up plan in case that happens, so don't worry about that. Now let me repeat it for the last time: become my master." Berserker tone turned slightly angry, and even Zouken felt that Berserker wanted to cut him as soon as possible.

Zouken, instead of being terrified let out a small hum, and looked sideways to the girl surrounded by the worms. "I see now. You're planning to use that girl as your master. Too bad for you that I control the worms around her too, and with both her and Kariya dead, there isn't any free magus around for miles. But if you cease your violent actions now and act like a good dog I might be as generous as to give Kariya some extra prana output."

"Tsk." The still angry Berserker let his sword go, which then disappeared into nothingness, before he went out of the basement, leaving behind a laughing Zouken.

**[3****rd**** of February, 11:31|3 hours before Point Zero]**

"I have some news in from one of the enemy pairs, Tokiomi." The mediator of the war said through a communications gramophone to his allies, the masters of Archer and Assassin. "It seems that the castle, villa and the airship all belong to servant Rider. He also warned me that he might bring in several weapons that are more than a hundred feet tall, so he wanted me to hypnotize or possibly evacuate the entirety of Fuyuki in case he needs to summon it."

It was silent on the other side of the gramophone, as both masters were deep in thought, processing the new information.

"So we have a servant that can summon a castle, an airship, a villa and a gigantic weapon… and why can't I think of any servant that would fit that description?" Tokiomi, struggling with this information, asked his servant for advice.

"hmm… I can't find any servant that fits the description on divinipedia… but I would say that we keep him alive until the final." Tokiomi looked at his servant, asking why he thinks that. "Well, my ultimate noble phantasm would be the perfect counter for his gigantic weapon, but activating it seals all my other noble phantasms… and Dyntos didn't give it a high level of endurance, so it breaks quite quickly. Very quickly. Very, very, very quickly. It didn't even last a single mission!" The servant looks a bit saddened and angered as he remembered this event, but he quickly turned back into his usual chipper self. "By the way, I'm calling Pizza Hut right now. What do you guys want for lunch?"

The masters gave some funny looks at the servant, wondering why he brought up that subject, of all things…

*grumble*

Tokiomi's stomach however made clear that he was quite hungry, and so the masters and servant ordered some food before returning to the Grail.

"Archer, I want you to scout the city now, and check all three buildings." See what their purpose is, but try not to get seen and don't enter a fight with anyone, and come back before lunch, which is in… around 20 minutes. Can you do that?"

"Of course! I used to do such stuff in just five, let alone twenty!" Activating one of his 4 noble phantasms, he ran to the closest window and jumped out, flying away to the rest of the city.

Tokiomi closed the window, and returned to the Kotomines. "So, what do you think about your servant, Tokiomi?" Risei asked through the phone.

"He's powerful, has several good noble phantasms, and most of all, he's loyal. He might not be a Gilgamesh, but I think that I can still win the war with this servant." Taking a sip of his wine, he sat down next to Kirei, continuing to talk with him and his father about this war. After 20 minutes both Archer and the pizza arrived, and the masters closed the connection with Risei as they sat down for lunch.

The priest used one of church sacraments to improve the rank of the food by one (this process is known in layman's terms as praying), and all three happily started eating.

Tokiomi, Kirei, Archer… enjoy your meal!

**[3****rd**** of February, 12:03|2 hours before Point Zero]**

It was on Osaka airport that two people stepped out of a big passenger plane (and were actually of importance to the story. There were many others, but we only care about these two). They were known as Saber and Irisviel.

"So, this is where Kiritsugu was born?" Irisviel asked to no one in particular as she tightly held onto her hat that was trying to ride the strong winds. She turned to Saber, who was wearing a white tuxedo, and had her long black hair tied up in a ponytail. "And you Saber? How did you enjoy your journey through the sky?"

Saber didn't answer for a while, as she just stared at the surroundings. "It was quite dull. At least the food was decent."

"So heroes don't care about something as simple as flying?" Irisviel asked, slightly disappointed because of Sabers lack of joy.

"When I was still alive, the ability to fly was of an equal level of special ability as my noble phantasm, so I would have liked it very much. But as a servant, I receive knowledge of the modern world, and that includes flying. I could even fly a plane like this one."

"You can fly an aircraft?" Irisviel asked in surprise.

"All Sabers have some skill at riding, and I am no different. However, because I am not Rider, I cannot ride divine or fantastic beasts. But for anything other than that, I just need to put the saddle between my legs and take the reins, and I'm ready to go."

"Put the saddle between my legs and take the reins?" Irisviel looked with slight shock at Saber, before she burst out in a polite laughter.

"Did I say something funny?" Saber asked with a stoic expression, "I just meant to say that I can ride everything, be it big or small."

Irisviel polite laughter turned into less polite laughter, and Saber kept wondering what was so funny.

**[3****rd**** of February, 14:22|a few minutes before Point Zero]**

"Fill, fill, fill 'er up, fill…"

In one of the houses of Fuyuki, a man named Uryu Ryuunosuke was busy with something really cool! He was trying to summon a real demon. A real one! Drawing the demonic circle with his toes while using his hands for holding the tome with the evil incantation, he was doing his best at summoning that totally awesome being.

"Repeat… four times… Or was it five?" It was a slight pity that he wasn't really doing a good job at it. The circle was crude and imperfect, and he couldn't even remember the lines. "Um, break it up when it's full… Right?" Looking once more at the script, he noticed that his earlier incantation was slightly wrong. He had to admit that his ancestors were pretty awesome, considering they made this demon-summoning. But couldn't they make the incantation something along the lines of "And now I summon you from hell" and the summoning circle a simple pentagram? That would've been a lot easier!

Repeating 'fill' 5 times, counting each fill with his fingers so he has exactly enough fill, he happily shouts that he completed another part of the incantation. He wanted to continue, but he heard that people were talking about him on the television.

"…at all three murder scenes, a mysterious pentagram was found, drawn in the victim's blood." Uryu had to admit that he might have gone a bit too far. Maybe he should have stuck to the rule of third time's the charm and stopped with this ritual the last time, but come on, killing people and using their blood for summoning a demon? Even if the ritual doesn't work, it's still a damn cool death! He could keep doing this for 6 times without getting bored! Maybe he could even do it seven times, although Uryu wasn't too sure about that.

"The symbol's purpose remains unclear. Today, we've invited a professor who specializes in criminal psycholog-" Turning off the TV, he moved to the only survivor of the family he just killed for "greater demonic purposes". It was a young boy, with no noticeable features. We don't know his name, and we don't need to, because he's most likely going to die as the sacrifice of whatever type of demon Uryu will summon.

"Hey kiddo, do you believe in demons?" Fear was evident all over the boy, who wanted to scream, to cry in frustration and most of all, to escape and live. But he couldn't, because… well… bindings and stuff. "All the papers and magazines call me a demon, but what if demons really exist? Wouldn't that be rude to them? You've gotta be clear about those things." Suddenly kneeling before the bounded kid, he introduced himself as none other than Uryu Ryuunosuke, a super cool demon! In case demons do exist, Uryu noted, he would change his name to Uryu Ryuunosuke, a super cool killer… just in case.

The kid started crying, scared of his fate, as Uryu showed the old tome he found in his own home, and explained that it could summon demons! And because demons are, well, demons, he asked the kid if he wanted to be the necessary sacrifice in case a demon shows up.

The kid screamed and tried his best to escape (it didn't work, of course). Uryu laughed, thinking of how awesome it would be to be killed by a demon, considering that almost nobody gets to find out.

Uryu suddenly let out a small yelp, as he noticed some weird symbols being burned/painted/created (he honestly didn't know how) on his right hand, and the circle started to glow and crackle with electricity.

Uryu knew that this was going to be cool!

A small breeze came out of the circle, and mist blocked most of Uryu's sight. When his sight returned, he didn't know if he failed or succeeded.

For the most part, his servant looked like a little girl. It was the type of girl he really loves to kill: around 10 years old, with short blond hair, except for the single long tail at her side. On top of her hair was pink mob cap with a red ribbon attached to it. The body was covered by a red vest and skirt, with a yellow neckerchief and pink shirt underneath. All in all, this part made her look like a normal girl with a terrible fashion sense. (This is only Uryu's opinion. The author does not share this opinion, not in the least because the author is scared of going Kyuu!)

What really made her special were her blood red eyes, her fangs, and most of all her wings… if one can call those that. They look more like iron rods with crystals attached to them. Uryu had the hopeful feeling that he had summoned a real vampire!... although it was a young and female one. He personally hoped for something in the Dracula or Alucard direction, but this would do too.

"Hello! Are you the one who summoned me?" This… thing asked to Uryu in a tone that was still childish, yet didn't feel like it would belong to a 10-year old.

"Ah, that would be me." Uryu walked to her, ignoring the muffled screams of the kid behind him, and looked at the wings. "Are those real?"

"Yep! Please don't touch them, they're quite ticklish." Retracting his hand, Uryu asked with whom he had the pleasure of meeting. "I'm F- oh wait, we were not allowed to tell our true names. I have been summoned here as Caster, so you can call me that. And who are you?"

"Uhm… I'm Uryu Ryuunosuke, currently unemployed. My hobbies are killing and stabbing people, especially young children."

"Well, that settles the contract. Now we have to gain the Holy Grail to get our wishes fulfilled! "

Uryu didn't quite know what she was talking about, this… gray… something. So he did what he would normally do around monsters: offering the kid as a sacrifice.

She walked over to the kid, and inspected him. She pricked the kid in the arm, caused a small droplet of blood to flow down. Dipping her finger in the blood, she tasted the quality, and found it surprisingly good. "Uryu, this is really tasty blood! Want some?"

Uryu was too much of a gentleman to say no to a lady (and because he wanted to taste it himself), and did the same as Caster. He found the taste quite bloody, and not so tasty. He kind of expected this difference between humans and vampires.

"Uryu, I bet you can make some really great wine from this blood!" Uryu looked surprised, never considering this approach. He asked, surprised, if they really made wine from blood. "Of course we do! Me and sis aren't like those lower class vampires who eat their humans raw. We cook them! Or at least, our chief maid did. I… never learned how to cook."

"And I don't know how to cook human either… now what?" Both servant and master were thinking, ignoring the screams of the food. It was Uryu who came with a great idea: "Hey, maybe they have books in the nearby library that show how to create blood wine!"

Caster looked at Uryu with a happy face, claiming that if they went to a library like Voile Library, they were sure to find one!

The two turned to the thus far ignored food, wondering if they should put it in the fridge. "Well, we did start to eat from it, so it's only logical that we place it in the fridge. We don't want him to spoil, right?" Uryu agreed with the idea. Stuffing the kid in the fridge, the duo went to the door. Caster noticed the sunlight, and grabbed one of the umbrellas for the use of a make-shift parasol.

And this is the start of the magical adventures of Uryu and Caster-chan! Please wait warmly for the next episode: "Uryu and Caster-chan at the library!"

**[3****rd**** of February, 14:24|Point Zero]**

_And now, all servants have been summoned, and the Holy Grail has dawned upon this world. Masters! Servants! Fight and overcome each other, and win the Holy Grail. You are ordered to slay, to kill, and to destroy, all to gain your wish! Step out, battle and win!_

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone, this is the author here. I'm sure you have a few questions about this story, and I'm here to answer a few that will probably be asked one way or another:<strong>

**First of all, how much does this story follow the stations?  
>Well… as you can see, not so much. The Archer vs. Assassin did not fit in, not in the least because of the latter's BSOD, and other elements were changed too. However, the very, very few elements that do fit in and make sense at that time (Like the upcoming docks battle) will happen, albeit somewhat different. Kiri will be more aware of possible Assassins, some servants may not show up at the scene, the outcome might be different… As you can see, what makes sense happens, and what doesn't make sense doesn't.<strong>

**Where do we have to look for the identity of each servant?  
>Saber: Anime<br>Lancer: Anime  
>Archer: Games<br>Rider: Games  
>Caster: Games<br>Assassin: Comics  
>Berserker: Games<strong>

**Who is your favorite servant of these newly summoned?  
>I am not really supposed to say this, but I guess you can say I like Lancer's hot-blooded personality.<strong>

**Are we still allowed to guess who each servant is?  
>Well, you guys do seem to enjoy it, so why not? Just leave some space for the other question I'm going to ask.<strong>

**What is this last question you're talking about?  
>Well, I mainly want to ask you if you could also say if you have special duels you want to see between some of the servantsmasters, Like Tokiomi vs Kayneth or Saber vs Assassin. Please leave any suggestions you have in the review box, and I wish you a good day.**

**Thank you very much,**

**Flagarach.**


	2. The First battle

**[3****rd**** of February, 14:47]**

Fuyuki is one the seventeen designated cities of Japan, proof of being a big metropolis, housing both poor and rich. One of the places where the rich fully overshadow the poor is the New Shinto Shopping Mall, home to several stores that sell many types of luxury resources I am not going to name because the author doesn't want to get sued.

Inside the mall were Saber and Irisviel, performing the feminine ritual known as shopping. They strolled through several stores, buying things like dresses for Irisviel, more suits for Saber (who doesn't mind wearing the male clothing after Irisviel bought her a week-long supply of fresh Fuyuki Beef), and many other pointless things that cost a lot of money. Old man Acht's bank account was starting to look quite meager and slim…

"Saber, come here! Take a look at this!" Irisviel pointed to yet another dress. This one was slightly more risqué than those Irisviel bought for herself, not in the least because this red dress lower half was see-through from the front which expose one's panties, had an open back which even showed a bit of the ass and also showed a lot of cleavage. At least the golden pauldrons and the puffed up shoulders looked nice. "Isn't this the perfect dress for you?"

Saber looked slightly less happy when she saw the dress. "Irisviel, there is absolutely no way that I am ever going to wear that outfit." Not even someone as socially awkward as Saber would dare to wear such a… thing. She was ready to walk away with the wind, to forget that she ever saw that horrible dress, and go home to enjoy her meat. But Irisviel wouldn't let her walk off that easily.

"Well, I guess that Saber doesn't want her delicious, sensational, tongue-melting Fuyuki beef, made from massaged cows who only drink beer and eat the finest crops, prepared by one of the best chefs Fuyuki has seen in history." Irisviel walked away from the store, faking a feeling of pity through body motions and language, "I guess that I will have to eat that delicious steak with Kiri and Maiya. Too bad for you, Saber."

Saber's face was red, and saliva dropped out of her mouth. "No fair! You promised me those steaks!"

"Only if you would wear whatever I wanted you to wear. And thus far you're not wearing what I want you to wear." Irisviel added teasingly.

Saber started to sweat. "B-But do I really have to wear that? I can see Leone wear that, but not me!"

"Ste~ak." Saber was almost fully corrupted by the steak. She only needed a final nudge before she would give in, and Irisviel stood ready to do just that: Lifting a small box from her handbag, she read the content: garlic butter that was made with sea salt, buffalo milk, and many delicious hard-to-get herbs.

That was the last straw. It was just enough to make Saber give in.

Twenty minutes later and Saber walked out of the shop, face red from embarrassment and slightly cold from the lack of cover her new dress provides.

"Saber, I'm going into this shop here, could you stand watch here to warn me about any enemies?"

"Y-Yes, milady…" Saber stuttered out. She really didn't like the stares everyone gave her. An assassin would never be used to that, and someone like her fits more in the shadows. She wanted to either sink into the ground or merge with the shadows right now, but she was sadly enough incapable of doing so.

"Mommy, look! That lady forgot to wear her pants!" Saber looked to her side, where she saw a little boy pointing at her. His mother quickly covered his eyes and turned him around. "She didn't forget her pants, sweetie. She is just… not good in her head." The mother-son pair quickly walked away from this crazy lady, who was covering her head in shame.

That steak better be worth it.

**[3****rd**** of February, 15:52]**

"Hello! Do you have some books on making wine?" The librarian heard this young girl's voice, and looked up from her own book, a smile on her face with which she usually greets kids.

"Hello there, you do kno…" The librarian's smile disappeared as she looked at the… abnormal girl. With wings. That moved. Like real wings. And to make it worse, she had fangs and red eyes. "Why are you dressed as a vampire?" she asked with a flat voice, one which tried and failed to rationalize the being in front of her. She hoped that the girl would say something, anything that would be logical.

"Because I am one!" However, where Caster comes from, logic and common sense only hold you back. The librarian looks with disbelief at the servant, not moving an inch.

"Yo, could you please tell us where we can find the books? We don't know how long our food will stay good, so we're in a bit of a hurry." A second person entered, who looked somewhat more normal than this girl, although the amount of bloodlust he radiated wasn't a good sign either.

The librarian still didn't move, only muttering something like "im-im-im-im."

"Well, sounds like she is broken." Caster noted. "By the way, you spoke last to her, so that means that you broke her."

"I didn't!" Ryuunosuke, slightly angered, replied, swinging his arms wildly. "You started talking with her, so you could have broken her too!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

And the master and servant continued their childish bickering for a while, until Caster became so angry that she clenched her fist, which turned the librarian into a bloody red puddle of (hopefully) blood, which got smaller and smaller until it ceased to exist.

"Okay, maybe I broke her first, but that last one wasn't me." Uryu's angry face quickly turned into one of happiness and amazement, complementing Caster on how "Cool!" her kill was. "It was quick, it was fast and best of all: it didn't leave a trace, so it was eco-friendly too! I doubt there are many cooler ways to kill people!"

But Caster wasn't happy. Instead, she looked like she was about to burst into tears. "But… but sis said that I should never break people! I broke my promise with her. I… I… Waaaah!" Caster burst into tears, causing the few people who didn't run away from the disappearing librarian to "shhh!" Caster down.

"Ehm, Caster?" Uryu said as he pulled an arm over Caster's frail-looking shoulder. He really wasn't sure what to say. Dealing with crying girls was not a forte of a guy who never had a girlfriend in his entire life. Scratching himself behind his head, he thought about the best way to calm Caster down. "Look, I get why you're upset. But try to think about it: is it really so bad what you did?" Caster stopped crying for a bit, and looked at Uryu with teary eyes. "Humans increase in numbers with fifty thousand every day! Is it really so bad if you kill a few?" Caster nodded, but Uryu paid it no heed for the moment. "Heck, you're a vampire! Aren't you supposed to eat humans?"

"Yeah, I suppose that's true… but I still broke my promise to my sister!" Caster shouted, which caused some more Shhhes from the people around them. "Everything around me eventually gets destroyed because of me! If only I was normal, had a power like my sister or that dog-maid, one that didn't cause destruction! If I could just-"

"Caster!" Uryu shouted, tightly gripping the shoulders of the shaking vampire. "Don't say things like that! Your power isn't ugly, it's super cool! It's beautiful!"

Caster stopped shaking, and looked Uryu straight in his eyes with her own watery ones. "Do… do you really mean that, Uryu?"

Uryu hugged the girl in front of her. "Of course! It was really awesome! Never think that you're cursed with any of your powers. Don't think that others like God hate you; God doesn't only love creation; he also loves destruction like yours! If he didn't, then why would there be people like us?"

"But she always said that Gods are too busy feeding the corpses of other gods to hell ravens." Uryu was confused by Casters response, letting out a flat what. Caster also didn't quite understand what was meant by that, and clearly explained it to her master.

"Hmm, not a God like that, Caster. The person I talk about is the one who created the world w-"

"So you mean Yukari?" Caster interrupted again. Uryu didn't understand it anymore and just went with this Yukari as the creator of the world.

"She, I guess, loves everyone in it, be it you, your sister, or me! So don't worry about breaking stuff, because she can easily replace it." Caster looked happy once again, her wings happily flapping in rhythm. "Now shall we look for some cooking books?" Caster nodded, and the two happily searched for any good books.

The search however was… abysmal. There wasn't a single bloody book that teaches how to make wine from human blood. There also weren't any non-bloody books about cooking humans either.

"This library is terrible!" Caster complained. "It's not even a millionth of Voile's size!"

Uryu agreed completely: "Well, it didn't even have a few good books about killing, so it wasn't a great one, but to think that it lacks good cooking books…" the two of them walk out of the library, still angered by the lack of quality there.

"Say Uryu, is there a reason not to destroy a library without good books." Caster wondered aloud, a mischievous smile appearing on her lips.

"Go right ahead, Caster. And could you please call me by my first name? Partners shouldn't do otherwise."

A happy Caster clenched her fist, causing the library to crumble in itself, until the place was one big piece of rubble. "Okay… but only if you will call me Flan, Ryu!"

The two happily walked away… until Uryu realized that they could have tried to use common recipes and simply switch the pork or cow with human meat.

"And where do we find these recipes?" Caster joyously asked.

"Well… in the library…" Both stood there for a second that felt like minutes, wondering about their own stupidity. "We… didn't think this one through."

"No. No we didn't."

**[3****rd**** of February, 17:03****]**

Waver and Rider found out that it was pretty hard to hide a servant in a small house where other people besides themselves live. After his fake grandmother entered Waver's room and found that there was a strangely-dressed man inside, she grabbed the closest stick-like object and began to smack Rider with it, screaming about this strange burglar that entered the house.

After Rider got a few beatings from the old woman, Waver appeared and quickly hypnotized her, causing her to fall down unconsciousness. Waver and Rider then took the Grandma and the also hypnotized Grandpa to the living room, where they put them on the chairs of the dining table.

"So what are we going to do, Rider?" Waver asked to his servant. They thought for several moments, thinking what was best for the war. There were three options: First was to hypnotize them to think that Rider was part of the family. The main advantage is that it lets them lay low, but it also involves innocent people into the Grail War.

Second was to simply steal the house. It would leave the two Grandparents out of the war, and they could stay low and avoid attention. This idea was the first to be tossed, because Waver, while not as traditional as other magi and less bent on following those rules their magus society had set up, wouldn't stoop low enough to steal from elderly people.

The last option was to leave the house, and use one of Rider's noble phantasms as a hideout. While it doesn't involve the old couple, and gives them a much more fortified base, it would also make them the most likely center of attraction in this war, something both master and servant wanted to avoid.

It was a hard choice between the leftover choices, with the ups and downs of both choices equaling each other. Just when the two concluded that something was the best solution, another argument brought it back to equal levels. Many minutes were spent, until Rider decided to cut the Gordian knot: Taking a coin out of the Grandfather's wallet, he decided to flip a coin: Heads, and they would stay here with the brainwashed couple. Tails, and they would take refuge in their castle and leave this house alone. " My Luck is quite decent, master, so I think fate will guide us on the right path."

"What, did you become a heroic spirit by luck alone?" Waver sarcastically asked. It was for Waver completely illogical to decide things in a life-or-death war by pure luck. Why would anyone be stupid enough to do that?

"Just trust me one this one." He flipped the coin, and it softly fell on the ground. The upside was… heads! So that means that they would stay, and introduce Rider as a "friend" and "Teacher" of Waver.

Both master and servant made their preparations: Waver mentally imprinted a quasi-believable story about a professor he studied under in London, who also left for Japan. But because his chamber in the Hyatt Hotel got overbooked by some weird lunatic who hired half the building, he had nowhere to sleep. With no other chances, he decided to visit one of the students he got along with the most and coincidentally also lived in Fuyuki, and asked if there was room for him to sleep. Waver, of course, had no objections to the intrusion, but still had to ask his grandparents for permission.

In the meantime, Rider used one of his noble phantasms: It was one that allowed him to disguise himself as any other person he ever met. Throwing off his cloak, another person appeared, one who looked a lot more like a professor.

Rider and Waver took place at the living table too, and after everything was set up, Waver broke the hypnosis of the elders, who woke up from their artificial sleep. Still dazed and disoriented, they looked around in confusion before the imprinted memories set in: "It is nice to meet you, mister… Sycamore." Grandfather Glen spoke, elderly kindness weaved through his words. "I heard about your situation from our Grandson Waver."

" And what a terrible thing it was!" The Grandmother, Martha, said with slight worry and anger. "Who would need to rent half an apartment building? And then the hotel staff just puts you out of your room! How dare they?!"

"I am sure that there was a reason for, Miss McKenzie." Rider said, calming the angry Martha down. "But I am still left without a place to sleep. Thankfully, Waver offered me to stay at his place for a while, for which I can't thank him enough. His actions, set in motion by his good-natured heart, are also slightly rash, because he made these decisions without any assistance from your side. Therefore, I first wanted to talk to you in person, so that I would be sure to have permission from everyone in your family."

Glen let out a hearty laugh, and explained that if Waver thought that it would be okay, neither he nor Martha would prevent Rider from staying. "But tell me, how is Waver doing at university? He never talks about it, so we're a bit worried."

"Gramps!" Waver angrily shouted. He wasn't prepared for any sort of questions about his studies. All the information Waver gave to his fake Grandparents was that he studied in London, nothing more. Besides ,what should he tell his parents? That he studies magic? Ridiculous!

"Well, he's somewhat above average in the courses I teach, and around average in most of the other classes. However, he's doing badly in Professor El-Melloi's lessons." Rider started to explain some more things about Waver and El-Melloi's relationship that he picked up during the occasional conversations he had with his master: How they never got along due to differences in their world view, and how it all worsened after Waver got falsely accused for stealing some of El-Melloi's possessions… He described their relationship in full detail, even though it only consisted out of half-truths and lies. "Yet I still recommend that you come to terms with El-Melloi. Doing that is the start of making your life… well, mellow."

Rider expected someone to create some positive feedback on his nice example of true British wordplay. Instead, it went completely silent. Only the crickets outside were chirping…

"Also, he lacks any sense of good humor." Waver said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen. His servant asked Waver to kindly say nothing more, and eventually even asked for Waver to make the grandparents forget this joke.

"We… allow him to say." Glen spoke, but now with slight scorn on his face. "But only if he doesn't make any jokes when he's here." Martha wholly agreed with this. The four of them finished the last formalities, and Rider went upstairs to his guestroom, still slightly angered by the elders' comments. The family of three was left, who discussed some things with Waver about his quarrel with El-Melloi. After receiving a bit of scolding, Waver also left the living room, slightly angered.

And this left the two elders alone, of which the female was… also slightly angered? "Glen Samuel McKenzie!" Glen looked at his wife, and was immediately inflicted with the terror status. "How dare you be so harsh on Waver! Didn't you see how uncomfortable he felt?!"

"But sweetheart," Glen tried to rebut, "Weren't you a bit harsh on him too?" It was to no avail, as Martha scolded him even harder. "H-Honey?" Not only did she scold him, she also picked up a nearby broom, this time not meant for sweeping the floor, but for sweeping someone else. So Glen did what all men do in hopeless situations with women: Running away as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Glen, come back here!" Martha gave pursuit to her husband, on this rather uncommon day for the McKenzies. Glen could only hope that the rest would be better…

**[3****rd**** of February, 17:08]**

"So… we got the butter, the olive oil, 40 shallots, 5 big carrots, 7 bottles of Tohsaka's Traditional Wine, all seasonings… except for that garlic you don't eat… did we miss something, Caster?" After finding a good cooking book in one of the houses down the road (they entered by housebreaking), Caster and Uryu went to the supermarket to get the necessary supplies.

"Well, I got the humans… did you just forget the mushrooms?" Caster asked in an innocent tone. The reason they had to gather their food was because their original food had run away. Today's lesson: Make sure your food is dead before you store it away, or you might lose it.

Thanking Caster for her reminder, Uryu walked over to the vegetables, and picked up a few nice-looking boxes of mushrooms. "And Caster, did you make sure that the humans you picked are still virgin? I don't want you complaining if one accidentally isn't."

Caster pointed with her free arm to the six humans she had slung over her shoulder, claiming that they were all fresh virgi-

"OBJECTION!" One of the soon to be food yelled, pointing his finger at Uryu. "I am not a virgin! Where's your evidence to back up that statement?" This spiky-haired porcupine-man hybrid was awaiting an answer that would not exist, and he smiled cockily.

"I have a vampire's instinct. I simply smell your innocence, Mister Hedgehog!"

"T-That is nothing more than simple conjecture!" The man sweated a lot, seemingly afraid of Caster's judgment, before an expression of shock filled his entire face: "You're a vampire?!"

Caster looks slightly confused at the question. "I have red eyes, fangs, vampire wings, can carry six humans with no problems at all, I proclaimed to eat you… why would you think I'm a normal human?"

"Don't worry about him, he's just slow." One of the other foods, a young magician wearing a blue top hat and cloak, gave her knowledge of the porcupine to Caster, who thanked her in return. "Also, should I show you a magic trick?" Caster wanted to see it, and freed the stage magician. The magician pulled off her top hat and stuck her hand inside. "Now, what will come out?" She took out her hand, and behold! It held Caster's panties!

*Pichuun~* And behold again! Now Caster held a giant red sword in her hand, which pierced the magician's heart! "Don't steal my panties ever, EVER again." Her words' fury was hidden behind tranquility, and the smile on her face was one which hides clear anger.

"Y'know, you just killed my daughter… so why don't I care?" The hedgehog asked to the master-servant pair.

"It's because of a noble phantasm that creates insanity. You've gone so mad that you don't care anymore." The hybrid gave a nodding ah, and Uryu complimented Caster on the decently cool way of killing, hoping to see something more awesome next time. "Ryu, shall we go to the cashier? I believe we have everything we need." Uryu nodded, and the two of them walked over to the cashier, who scanned each item they wanted to buy, both the non-meat and the meat, leaving a price of… of…

"Hey Flan, correct me if I'm wrong, but what does the cash register say about the food price."

Caster looks at the cash register. "It's 1 million, fifty thousand and six hundred thirty-two yen… so if we calculate that into dollars… then…" Casters eyes widened, before she started to scream: "It costs over 9000!" Clutching her hand she destroyed the scoute- I mean, cash register, and the other hand destroyed the cash registe- I mean, scouter of a vegetable and his cow leather who were making the same joke about a carrot in another universe.

"Well, you're buying almost 230 kilograms of meat that has heavy taxes because people are not allowed to eat it." The shopkeeper said in his usual flat, business-as-usual tone. "Of course it's going to cost a lot."

Uryu is not rich. His usual work consists of transporting heavy luggage, and it is normally barely enough to live from. So he had to do what he usually doesn't let his code of honor do: he robbed the wallets of the food, and gave them to the cashier as payment.

"That… will be enough. Thanks for doing business with us." Uryu and Caster treated him one last smile, before they left the shop, ready to start cooking.

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:00]**

The City of Fuyuki is separated into two parts by the Mion River. On the residential side of the river was the aptly named Riverside Park. Inside of the park was none other than Lancer, ready to battle.

"Lancer, it is time to execute our plans. Do it. Now." Kayneth's voice ringed in Lancer's head, giving the signal for the start of the first battle of the Grail War.

Lancer recalled some things that lead to his current situation for a brief moment, remembering how they were forced to change the location for the bait, because the docks were stationed too close to that villa noble phantasm whatever. Searching for a location that was far away from both castle and villa, they found Riverside Park.

Lancer looked into the night sky, wondering what kind of amazing battles he would meet in this war. Slapping himself on the cheeks to mentally prepare himself, he let out a huge amount of prana, one that should be big enough to be noticed through all of Fuyuki.

This should be certain to attract at least one master-servant pair, and if he was lucky then maybe even multiple groups could join, creating one big fight in which he could honorably duel many strong servants!

Excited at this thought, he jumped on one of the nearby trees, trying to see the servants that would join him for this "party", as his old rival would call it.

Inhaling a lot of air, Lancer shouted the hardest (which was very, VERY hard) he could: "Now come! Let use fight here, and bring glory to our masters!"

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:01]**

Saber and Irisviel were finally done with their shopping spree, and they're now enjoying the beauty of the city. They spent some time in Shinto, watching the view over the city from the top of the skyscraper that was built recently; after that they went to Fuyuki Bridge, enjoying both the people driving and walking across as also the calm water underneath that would soon be stirred into a storm of war; then they went to Ryuudou Temple, praying to the gods for luck in the upcoming fights. Both enjoyed the sightseeing tour, although Saber was still slightly pissed that Irisviel forced he to wear that risqué outfit… the fact that some of the monks thought she was a spirit of lust and tried to exorcise her didn't improve her mood either.

Eventually it became night, and the moon started to rise in the sky. Irisviel noticed it too, making her want to visit one last place before they would call it quits and return to their Castle on the outskirts of the city: The beaches of Fuyuki. Normally a place where kids gather in the summer for swimming and crab fishing, the darkness of the night combined with the slightly cold winter temperature left the beach fully deserted. Both Irisviel and Saber found that that was a real shame, because the sea, something neither of them saw during their lives, was truly beautiful. The calm breeze that gently swayed the waves, the soft sound of water crashing down upon itself, the moon reflecting on the sea like a mirror… it was one of the wonders of nature humans tend to forget in this day and age.

Irisviel took off her shoes and socks, and happily pranced through the water, letting the cool feeling refresh the feet that walked for so long this day. She offered Saber to join her in the water, but was rejected. Saber claimed that the only reason she would ever go into bodies of water was for hunting fish, and not for enjoyment.

"I feel kind of bad for you." Saber looked at her proxy master, raising an eyebrow in response. Irisviel's face shifted from happy to melancholic. "You're a girl, just like I am, yet your life was filled with so much hardship and so little joy…"

"You're right, Irisviel." Saber confirmed the words that were spoke to her, not denying the truth of her life. "There are hundreds, maybe thousands of other lives that would've given me a happy, a joyful life… but none of them would have let me achieve what I did in my own. My suffering will never compare to the sufferings other people would have had to endure had I decided to choose a simple happy life." Saber took off the golden boots of her dress and headed into the ocean too, walking next to Irisviel. "It's all right to suffer for your ideals, as long as you make those ideals come true. Even death can be justified if it will make your ideals come true."

The two women looked at each other, both of them understanding each other a little better now. They gave each other genuine smiles, proof of their newfound understanding and happiness. They ar-

"Saber, did you feel that too? There's an enemy servant right ahead." Both recognized this new threat, and were pondering for a few seconds, deciding how to solve this problem.

"Let's contact Kiristugu first, and decide things together." Using the Master-Servant bond, Saber contacted Kiritsugu telephatically: _"Kiritsugu, we've detected an enemy servant. He's around 350 meters away from us and still lurking in the shadows. We can decide to fight him, but we can also flee or just observe him. Personally, I recommend the last option."_

"_I understand. Stay there and observe him, but don't fight before I give the signal."_ Saber nodded, agreeing to Kiritsugu's words, even though Kiritsugu couldn't see that. Turning back to Iri, Saber explained what they had to do, and the two of them left the beach, moving onward to the true start of the war…

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:01]**

In the Matou manor's living room, Berserker was overlooking several maps and blueprints of Fuyuki and its major buildings. He classified some of them as "useful", which could be possible hideouts in further stages of the Grail War; "slightly useful", back-ups in case he has to go somewhere in an emergency or after all of his "useful" possibilities were unavailable; "unusable", those buildings that wouldn't serve any purpose to Berserker, and "unregistered", those he still has to classify.

When he was a little over two-thirds done, he saw his master Kariya entering the room.

"Berserker," Kariya spoke with pain in his heart… and lungs… and liver… let's just say that he spoke with pain everywhere. "Did you feel that outburst of prana?"

"Yes I did. It was a huge waste of magic energy." Berserker replied in his usual stoic demeanor. "Now let me guess: You want me to follow you in my berserk state, which will tax you enough that it will make you go berserk in pain. When we're both incapable of clear thinking, you want to ravage over the battlefield, fully focusing on a single servant, even though we don't even know who this Tokiomi's servant is." Looking up from the maps, he turned to his master, anger and scorn clearly visible on his face and in his tone. "Tell me, how high would you rate your chances if you summoned someone who is berserk all of the time and lets you do all the planning?"

Kariya wanted to answer, but was shot down almost immediately by his servant. "Zero percent. You are absolutely terrible at devising strategies." Standing up from his couch, he walked over to his master, who spat out a little bit of blood due to a ruptured blood vessel. "Your redeeming factor is your willpower and drive. While I admit that they are commendable, they're more suited for a soldier than a general."

"You know that I don't have long, Berserker. I don't even know if I will live until tomorrow. We have to win this war as quickly as possible!"

"Being quick is not the same as being reckless." Berserker rebutted. He snapped his fingers, and 5 figures appeared out of black portals. Two of them were Berserkers like those he summoned just after being summoned. The other three are sleek, humanoid-shaped beings with thin arms and legs. Their entire body was gray, except for their mouth, which looked like an undone zipper; and it has a symbol on top of what is probably supposed to be its head, shaped in some sort of combination of a heart and a cross. "We'll send these out to scout the enemy and figure out their weaknesses. We will use those weaknesses to get a swift kill, so that you won't be in pain and eventually die on me."

"You better show some results, Berserker, or we will win this war my way." Angered by the coldness of his servant, Kariya limped away, searching for the girl he was sacrificing his life for. He really found Berserker a pain in the ass. Couldn't he have summoned a normal servant, one that would be as loyal as a dog?

Looking at his command seals, he wondered if he should use one on Berserker to make him more loyal and submissive, but he couldn't shake this feeling that his servant was gay for whoever his leader is, was or will be.

And Kariya is completely straight, so making himself the top dog is out of the question.

Being the lower dog is obviously also out of the question.

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:01]**

In the night sky, an Archer was happily singing some song while searching for any form of servant activity: "Again today I will go soaring through the sky!" He checked the eastern part of the city, and found nothing special. "My enemies I'll dish them up in a stir-fry!" Well nothing special except for that hamburger shop. "Gracious master back at home, backstabbed with a knife!" He has to bring a few back for his master, and teach him how great it tastes! That was why he was currently holding a lunchbox filled with hamburgers. He couldn't wait to eat them together. "I'll win the Grail and bring my goddess back to life!"

"_You seem very chipper, Archer. Did something good happen?" _Archer heard his master talking to him in his head via the master-servant mental link.

Of course! Super Smash Brothers got released!… a while ago… man, I thought I mastered keeping people waiting, but he's clearly worse!" Tokiomi had absolutely no clue as to what his servant meant with this… Super Smash… Thingy. "Oh, and I found a great food shop! This day couldn't get any better!"

"_That's good to hear." _Archer noticed that Tokiomi's voice became slightly angrier, even though it was still quite tranquil. "_And Archer, what did you mean with that third sentence?"_

"Well… I couldn't think of anything good that rhymed with life, and this was the first I thou-" Archer was stopped mid-sentence, as he felt a huge amount of prana released in the air. "Master, did you feel that too?"

"_No, I didn't feel anything. What happened?" _Archer explained the energy burst he felt, and the general direction it came from. Tokiomi had to think about the strategy he and Archer were going to deploy, but... _"Archer. Trace this energy back to its source. Observe the servant that caused this outburst. Get this opponent to unleash his Noble Phantasm, preferably by having him fight a servant that is not you."_

"Of course, Master!" As Archer's wings shone purple, he bursts off to the enemy, ready to enter the first battle of the Fourth Holy Grail War.

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:02]**

The wave of prana was also felt at the McKenzies, where a young magus and his servant also prepared for the upcoming battle. Their plan was to observe, and only in emergencies would they come out to fight. Waver fully agreed with this plan Rider proposed, because it was the one that made the most sense to him. After all, what kind of idiot hero would barge straight into enemy territory while loudly declaring who they are? Lucky for Waver, his servant had a good set of brains, and he felt that Rider was superior to him (something he doesn't admit easily) in covert operations.

But hey, he's a Heroic Spirit. Of course he's going to be great in battle!

The two of them went to a nearby empty alleyway, a few blocks away from their hideout. Waver looked around ,wondering what Rider had in store this time. He was thinking of several possibilities: perhaps he would use another Noble Phantasm, like some sort of "Cloak of invisibility" or maybe even a telescope, considering he looked more like a 19th or 20th century explorer than a pre-medieval warrior. Maybe he would simply use familiars found in this alleyway to spy upon the enemy. Maybe he wou-

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of propellers turning in the air, and looked upwards to see the airship that hovered above the city only 30 feet above him. With a snap of Rider's fingers, a rope ladder was rolled downwards, nearly touching the ground in front of Waver. "Welcome to my airship, master." Waver took a good look at this airship: It was some sort of zeppelin, with a large white gasbag keeping a smaller orange cabin afloat. To both sides of the airship was a large propeller, which seemed to function as the motor of this ship.

After Waver climbed aboard the ship, he noticed the inside of the cabin, which was rather large: If he had to estimate, then he would say that it could easily function as a house and professional magecraft workshop combined. Waver noted how this Noble Phantasm looked rather luxurious, especially for something that would be considered antique in the current era. This was at least double as extravagant as his room back in London. Sure, he couldn't afford a lot since he was rather poor, but this truly astonished him. Seeing this, he wondered how special the Castle and the Opera House are from the inside.

"Please take a seat, because this ship is going to liftoff." Rider ordered his master once more, and said master followed his instructions to the letter. Waver sat down in one of the chairs around the lounge table, which was in the same room as the control panel of the ship. Rider pressed several buttons, and with a small hop, the Zeppelin flew away, searching for the first battle of the war.

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:03]**

Caster was very busy with her newest project: A blood fermentation machine! With this device, she could make wine out of blood! She labeled the blood in different types: The first bottle was emptier than the rest due to blood loss from the food at the supermarket, and she labeled it [Laevateinn]. The next was labelled [Starbow Break]. The third wa-

"Flan, dinner's ready!" Her wings perked up as Uryu said that, and she stopped her activities completely. "Ryu, I'm coming!"

They went to the dinner table of the house they currently occupied, which was covered with a few delicious meat dishes. Caster licked her lips, and thanked for the food (would the church sacrament of praying still be effective for a vampire?).

"Well, today we test 'And Then There Were None' against 'Cranberry trap'." Uryu explained. "Both are prepared in bourguignon style, so no differences there. I personally hope the former wins, because that was a way cooler kill, right Flan?"

"I don't know. My favorite spellcard i-" Caster's words were interrupted by a force of prana she felt, prana that urged her to go out and kick some other servant's ass.

"Is something wrong, Flan? You suddenly stopped." Uryu wondered, concern visible on his face.

Caster looked back at Uryu. Maybe later she would fight the other servants, and only later would she introduce him to the war she has been summoned for. "No, it's nothing Ryu." For now, she would just eat.

**[3****rd**** of February, 19:47]**

The first challenger has arrived at Riverside Park. Dropping down from the heavens, Archer softly landed on the asphalt.

Opposing him was a slightly angered Lancer, who did not like it if his opponents were late for a duel. "You're late, Archer-dono!" Lancer pulled his spears from behind his back and lightly twirled them in his hands. After a few rotations, he tightly gripped the spears, entering one of his most used battle formations.

"Oh yeah? Heroes always arrive late on the scene!" Archer readied his bow, an arrow of blue energy forming in his hands. The arrow grew slightly larger and shifted to a green arrow, which was Archer's sign to let it go.

Lancer dashed towards Archer, trying to evade the arrow with minimal movement necessary. Lancer's instinct however told him to roll to the right, and for good reason: the arrow that Archer fired homed in on Lancer, and would have pierced his head if not for his quick evasive maneuvers.

Lancer quickly stood up, and saw Archer firing more shots while trying to keep the distance between the two of them as big as possible. He dashed once again to the servant of the bow, but now outright destroying the arrows that were fired at him with big sweeps from his twin tridents. Archer continued to move backwards, firing more arrows in different sizes: sometimes, he fired one big arrow. Other times he fired a few smaller ones. Sometimes he fired a weaker one that was even more homed at Lancer. They all had the same result: Lancer obliterated each and every arrow, and he was closing the gap. What made it worse for Archer was that he found himself literally having his back to the wall.

"Uh-oh." Archer gulped, now facing a lance that was aimed at his throat. Grabbing the bow in the middle, he split it up into two separate short swords, using one of them to stop the lance from killing him and the other to counterattack.

Lancer used his second lance to parry the sword and directly altered the course of his weapon to become an attack aimed at the head. Archer tilted his head to the side, barely dodging the lance that pierced through the wall behind him.

But Lancer didn't stop. More attacks aimed at vital organs like the brain, heart, lungs and the spleen; sometimes Lancer switched the fatal attacks with a strike aimed to disarm his opponent. A few other times he tried a swipe to turn Archer into half the servant he used to be; But each move was fatal if left unguarded.

Luckily for Archer, all swipes were evaded, albeit he just barely made it through. A few lunges managed to nick his skin, leaving a small trail of red blood droplets. His clothes were in disarray, gaps appearing in the luxurious tunic, ruining it forever (or at least until Tokiomi performs some healing magic on his servant).

Archer had no choice but to stay on the defensive, until he finally found a small opening in Lancers stance. Slashing at the tiny gap Lancer left in his stance, he hoped to draw his enemy's blood; and blood was drawn… but not Lancer's.

Lancer kicked his enemy in the gut, causing Archer to fly through the wall behind him and into another one, inflicting some scratches and a few shallow cuts on the servant of the bow. "What's wrong Archer-dono? Don't tell me that that is all you got?" Lancer concentrated, info he gathered about his opponent streaming into his mind. He found out that his opponent was beneath him in raw strength, endurance and speed, but outdid him in magic power and good luck. The biggest problem was Archer's unknown noble phantasm, obviously some sort of magic bow or magic arrow that might give Lancer problems. His own noble phantasm, while not weak in the slightest, was only B-rank, meaning that if Archer's bow exceeded A-rank levels of power, he might be in trouble.

Lancer, not hearing any response from Archer, moved once again to his enemy, hoping to close the distance before Archer could fire his phantasm. He closed the distance fast… 20 feet… 10 feet… 5 fe-

Archer didn't move towards Lancer, but soared high into the air, his wings shining purple. Hovering 100 feet in the air, he took his bow and fired a volley of arrows at Lancer who just cut them apart. This lasted few minutes, with no breakthroughs on either side. Archer's number of arrows was equal to Lancer's stamina: infinitely large.

"Archer-dono, come down here and fight like a man!" Lancer spoke with slight anger. He knew the opposing classes in the Grail War, and the only ones that truly interested him were Saber and Berserker, because they would be the most likely ones to face him in an honorable duel. The other classes, however… Rider sounded more like a cheap hit-and-run fighter, not capable of fighting for longer than a minute before escaping; Archer was the same, fighting at an incredibly large distance to prevent him from coming into close combat; Caster and Assassin were fully out of the question for a fair fight. And while this enemy exceeded his expectations of the Archer class, it stayed an opponent who needs to keep a distance between them.

Lancer thought of his possibilities to continue the fight. On one hand, he could stop for today, preventing him from being the first servant that has to show his Noble Phantasms, and thus, being the first whose identity and weakness is revealed (Not that he particularly minds that, but his new master is somewhat more sly and scheming, and wouldn't allow it). The other possibility is that he uses his Noble Phantasm. It would allow him to easily jump to that height, but it would probably reveal who he is.

Lancer didn't know what to do, so he decided to consult his Lord while also slicing some more arrows into pieces. _Oyakata-sama, what should I do?_

Lancer has explained his thoughts, and a loud voice echoed through the park's air in response: "Lancer, use your noble phantasm to kill Archer!" The two servants noticed the voice, and both stopped fighting for a small moment. Archer decided that it was a pretty good moment to consult his own master, while Lancer stood on the ground, smiling because of his Oyakata-sama's words. Twirling his lances, he ordered Archer to stop holding back and release his Noble Phantasm, because he would be going all out now!

"I'm sorry, but my master wants me to stop." Lancer's mood took a one-eighty, and he was greatly disappointed in his opponent. "Don't look at me like that!"

Lancer sighed, disappointed in the Archer, but understanding of the situation as well. "Archer-dono!" Lancer shouted to the fellow warrior, "Let us meet again someday, so we can fight once more at full power!" Archer accepted the promise, and flew off to the south…

"Ah… I wonder who I'll fight next t-" Lancer stopped mid-sentence as he saw none other than Archer returning to the battlefield. "Archer? What are you doing here?"

Archer claimed that he wanted to seal their promise: Archer took something out of a box he was carrying, and threw some sort of round object at Lancer, who in return stuck one of his spears in the ground and caught the object. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that it was "A hamburger?"

"It's slightly moist, and very delicious! Try it, and remember our promise as we eat!" Lancer inspected the burger, and after unfolding the wrapping paper, took a bite out of the burger.

"It's… it's great!" It was a delicious piece of food, and he felt his body slightly rejuvenating from the skirmish he had just a moment ago. Lancer turned to Archer ,a happy smile on his face. "Next time I'll treat you to something, Archer, so look forward to our next battle!"

Archer returned the smile with his own grin, and happily accepted the offer. "I've fought the strongest human of my own time, but you're even better, Lancer! Until then!" Archer waved goodbye, and flew away to the western sky.

Lancer still stood there, enjoying his burger, hoping that all servants would be as battle-hungry as the two of them. "This war is going to be fantastic! Master, I swear upon my very being that I will win this war for you!"

**[3****rd**** of February, 20:07]**

Far above the battle were Rider and Waver in their Airship, calmly observing the flow of war using a large telescope. "Now tell me, Master: What did you see down there?" Rider asked to his master for the purpose of testing his observation ability.

"Well… Two servants were fighting. One wields twin tridents, and is fully dressed in a red flaming pattern. He's most likely of the Lancer class. The other looked like some sort of Angel, and wore some Greek sort clothing. The bow in his hand means that he's most likely the Archer of this war."

Rider agreed that Waver was completely correct about this part of his observations. "And how about their performance?"

"It went really fast, so I couldn't see it all that well… but wasn't Lancer thrashing Archer for the entire battle? The only chances Archer had were his long-distance shots, but those didn't even faze Lancer…" Waver went quiet for a while, and his face was buried in worry. "Rider, do we have any chance at beating this Lancer?"

"If we fight him fair and square? No, we'll probably be shredded into pieces if we do that." Waver's face went white, but he also got angry at himself for summoning a "weak" servant. "My stats are pathetic compared to his, only my luck being better than his. If his noble phantasm is by any chance effective against mine, then I will lose for sure. However, why should we fight him fairly? " Waver looked up, surprised at his servant's lack of honor. "I suggest we team up with another pragmatic master and fight Lancer together. My rides combined with their skills should be enough to stop Lancer in this war." Rider turned to Waver ,and calmed him even more before asking him about servant Archer.

"Well, he wield a bow, can fly, and looks like a Greek servant… could he be Eros?"

"No, I've thought of that option too." Rider rebuked Waver's idea, claiming that if he was Eros, Rider would've gotten information from the Grail about Archer's Noble Phantasm and background. "But he is most likely Greek. I think we're going in the right direction with that idea." Rider took another look at the television that was showing the world beneath by telescope, and started to mumble something about him still being there.

"What are you talking about, Rider?" Rider took waver, and pointed to one of the trees in the park.

"Inside that tree sits someone, waiting. I don't know who he is, but I think that it's another servant."

"Is that Assassin?" Waver wondered. Rider denied it, claiming that if that servant was Assassin he wouldn't have seen him from this far away. No, this servant was hiding and observing the enemy, just like he did. Both master and servant thought that the servant hiding there might be a good candidate for an alliance, since it was probably a pragmatic hero who was most likely not honor-bound and willing to play dirty. Just as Rider liked.

They discussed a few more things, like possible masters for the servants or estimating the type of Noble Phantasms Lancer and Archer would have, before another object appeared on screen. It was another man, sneaking around the edges of the park, and he appears to be armed with guns.

"So, it seems that another one has entered the warzone." Waver was of the same opinion as Rider on this subject, and a thought crossed Waver's mind:

"Rider, isn't he perfect to make an alliance against Lancer with? He's pragmatic, and he fights from the shadows like a killer or an Assassin, making them weak opponents for the final round! Shouldn't we go out there and ally ourselves with them, Rider?"

Rider did agree with his Master, but thought that it was for the best if they wait and observe somewhat longer, so they can get more info on their enemies. He turned back to the monitor, and noticed that those who kept quiet during the first fight were starting to move out. "Well then, Master, let's see how the second round of this Grail War is going to be…"

**[3****rd**** of February, 20:09]**

These hamburgers taste absolutely divine!

Lancer could not say anything else about his seal of friendship. Even when he was still serving his old master back when he was alive, there was no food that tasted as rich, as full, as awesome as this! In all his life, Lancer knew only one man who was good enough to be called a true rival, but Archer is hard on his way to become the second one!

His pleasure disappeared when he felt some form of danger coming from 7 o'clock. Using the hand that was still holding a lance instead of a hamburger(which was the right one) he turned around and caught the weapon that was trying to end his life. It turned out to be a black katana, wielded by a girl in her teens.

Using the strength found in his arm and right-upper torso he threw the enemy servant to the other side of the park. Lancer grinned. He just finished fighting one opponent, and now he already found a new one! This war is going to be great! Yet Lancer's grin turned into horror when he noticed that he had dropped his burger! How could he drop this token of rivalry!

Lancer started to sweat, scared about the thought of Archer when he would find out he betrayed their honor. _"Think, Yukimura, think! What would Archer say in such a situation?" _Lancer pictured Archer in his head: His round and young-looking face, his spiky brown hair, those sparkling blue eyes, that innocent grin… _"Archer, what should I do now?"_

He heard them. Lancer could hear Archer speaking to him: "Floor hamburgers give you health!" Of course! Lancer understood those meaningful yet cryptic words Archer told him: Even if our bond is dirtied by the dust of the ground, it's still weaving the fate of them two together! He has to eat it!

He quickly collected all the hamburger pieces that fell on the ground, and stuffed them in his mouth, just in time before Saber closed in on him and tried to slash him into pieces.

Blocking the slashes with his spear, he quickly chewed the last of his food before he swallowed it, letting him give his full attention to the fight. He took a good look at his opponent. This female did wield a sword, but her way of acting all sneaky made her more of an Assassin like his friend Sasuke was.

"I see that you have decided to join this battle too, servant-dono! I would say that you're an Assassin, but that class would never wear such bright revealing dresses! Now come! Fight honorably, without any of the tricks you just used Saber-dono." Lancer stood there, valiant as a tiger, his aura shining brighter than the sun.

Saber, however, was the opposite: Calm like a still lake, her emotions frozen like Cocytus… they were like a bright sunny day and a clouded night sky. Two heroes that should not coexist, that should never fight each other… now standing on opposite sides of each other, ready to fight each other to the death.

"Eliminate." Without saying another word, Saber rushed at her enemy with the urge to kill those that oppose her. She quickly slashed at her opponent, who caught the katana with his trident. Saber didn't rest, this time trying to render Lancer legless. In return, Lancer used his right spear to parry, while the other trident was used to counterattack. Saber tilted her body to the right, narrowly evading the spear while counterattacking at the same time.

The two servants equaled each other in battle for a while. Lancer had the higher strength and endurance, allowing him to overpower the female opponent; Saber countered these advantages with her speed and luck, letting her dodge the attacks she couldn't block.

In the end, the deciding factor between the two servants was not their power. It was their weaponry. Saber wields a katana. It is a sword that is used by making quick slashing attacks at the torso, head and arms, with the occasional stab at the neck or heart. It relies on the user's speed and skill, two things that are well developed in Saber, allowing her to be called a master in sword fighting. Her opponent fights using tridents. It's normally used as a two-handed spear, quickly stabbing the enemy in fatal places from a range that a swordsman cannot reach. Lancer is different. He dual wields tridents, which trades in power for attack speed. It is a reckless, often called amateurish style, that should not function normally. But Lancer can use it. He has the power to block a two-handed slashing attack from Saber using only one of his weapons. And doing so shows one of the more fearsome abilities of the weapon: It can lock the enemy's weapons inside his own. If Saber gets caught in a deadlock, she has no ways of attacking left, forcing her to disengage, while Lancer has a free lance to stab Saber with, giving him the initiative. This was an opponent of the same level as his original rival when he was not serious, and he was definitely stronger than that. Saber needs at least 5 more swords before she stands a chance at beating him.

Slowly but surely, the brawl shifted in Lancer's favor: more and more relentless attacks came from Lancer's side, while Saber had to go on the defensive unable to counter the two tridents. She still performed well, evading all damage by dodging even the trickiest of stabs. Lancer kept overpowering her, but she didn't take any damage for minutes.

And that was her own goal: Survive without taking too much damage until Kiritsugu shot down Lancer's master.

And Kiristsugu was currently quite busy with fulfilling his end of the bargain: He and his assistant had targeted the park from two different directions: Maiya would stay on the other side of the river, checking the eastern end for enemy masters using her sniper rifle's scope. Kiritsugu would stay closer, hiding in one of the nearby houses, searching the west side of the park. In total, their locations could see a total of eighty-five percent of the park combined, and there was another hideout at a distance of 200 meters away from Kiritsugu that allowed him to see the last fifteen percent. They should be able to find the enemy master in 15 minutes, 20 tops.

The enemy master was most likely hidden behind some magical field that made him undetectable by both eyesight and magecraft. But they tend to underestimate the latest technologies: Infrared, Night Vision Devices, heck, he even had an X-ray device in case everything else failed. Quickly setting up his rifle, he watched the entire park, starting in the vicinity of the ongoing melee fight, followed by the nearby spots from where one has a good view of the battle and the surrounding park. Some were checked by him, while those he couldn't see were viewed by his assistant Maiya. But they still didn't find Lancer's master. Until their enemy gave them a small breakthrough in this aspect.

Back at the fight between servants there was Lancer who managed to deal the first blow with a rib-crushing kick to the abdomen. Kiritsugu slightly winced as he could imagine the pain of that attack. Saber flew many yards through the air, in which she recovered herself before gracefully landing on her feet, eighteen meters away from Lancer.

"Lancer, I order you to finish this fight. Use your Noble Phantasm to dispose of Saber." Booming from the sky, loud enough that even Kiritsugu could hear it, was the voice of Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi. Because Kiritsugu's Geiger Teller didn't detect any abnormalities meant that there were no small radioactive remains of a used command spell. This most likely meant that his enemies get along well, or at least the servant holds his master in high regard.

"Of course, Oyakata-sama!" And Kiritsugu was proven correct. Why else would Lancer call El-Melloi a "Noble House Lord"? Lancer spun his Noble Phantasms, which started to pour flames from the entire length of the shaft and the tip, normally just a pointy grey piece of metal, was covered in blazing fire. "Saber-dono," He stated pompously, "Now I will be going all-out against you. So I want you to do the same, Saber-dono!"

Many thoughts went through Saber's head. Her first thoughts were about the Noble Phantasm Lancer used. His Spears had flames surrounding him… and that was it. And his master confirmed that Lancer's master was the second-most dangerous in this war, just behind Kirei Kotomine. Would such a foe really have a Servant with only a C- or maybe even D-rank Noble Phantasm? Saber found it doubtful, and guessed that Lancer still had a second trick up his sleeve. Maybe it was some aspect of his currently displayed Noble Phantasm, like flames that won't stop burning until the target is killed. Or maybe he had a second or maybe even a third unused Phantasm, although that was unlikely. Lancer was in Saber's eyes an idiot. A strong one, but still an idiotic, honest and naïve servant who wouldn't tell a lie, but just wanted a good battle. He claimed that he would go all out, so his Noble Phantasm is the one he is using now.

Her second thought was about who he was, which was not easy to decipher. After all, fire was a rather generic element, and combined with Lancer's oriental looks left a lot of possibilities to choose from.

The third thought was implemented by her master: _"Saber, switch back to your normal outfit." _Saber understood that Kiritsugu was going to fake a Noble Phantasm… again. By making her switch clothes, she is going to make Lancer believe that her outfit is her special weapon, or at least keep up that ruse until Lancer's master has been riddled by Kiritsugu's bullets.

Now wielding her normal attire, Saber stood once more before Lancer, who was glad to see that Saber took the battle seriously. He charged up, before lunging at Saber with speeds never seen before. "Senryo Hanabi!" Lancer swept Saber away, who in turn flew through the air, burn marks appearing on her hands from the sheer heat. And Lancer did not stop. "Koen!" Lancer punched Saber in the face, dislocating her jaw and burning the left half of her pretty visage in such a form that Assassin would comment she would make a good female Two-Face.

Saber tried to recover, but all she could do was minimize her losses. "Rekka!" Hundreds of stabs, each stab only microseconds after the other, were launched at Saber. Some she dodged, some she parried, but with every passing second, more and more strikes left wounds on her body that were immediately burned shut by Lancer's spears, causing her even more pain. She had only one hope: Kiritsugu. Both he and Maiya were still busy finding Kaynet-

"I've found him." Kirtsugu heard these four words from Maiya, words that he equaled as godsend. "Atop the Fuyuki Bridge, Left arc, a few meters from the middle to your side. Distance is around 1 kilometer from here, and the winds over the river make it unfavorable to shoot him from here. How about you?"

"800, 850 meters. Difficult to hit from this angle, but we have no other choice. Saber won't last against Lancer. Let's both shoot him to increase our chances." Both took aim at their enemy. There were many factors to consider: Wind speed, altitude differences, all things he took into consideration as he prepa- "Ouhoraku!" He also had to deal with Lancer's extremely loud voice. He was sure that both Saber and Irisviel would have broken eardrums after this battle.

"_Time Alter – Double Stagnate"_ Kiritsugu started the self-hypnotizing. It was a spell, a self-suggestion, that lets him perform his magecraft: innate time control. He slowed down his own time, so that he lowered the shocks of his own body, making sure that the bullet would hit the mark. There was only one thing he didn't expect: It was his own servant. Laughing madly. _"Release Alter"_ Releasing the effect of his magecraft, he looked at his servant, but ordered Maiya to stay on standby.

Saber… wasn't in good shape. Her face was burned, almost unrecognizable. He clothes were downright destroyed, and under every hole was a stab wound and a burn mark. Her hair was scorched, and at several points cut off. She was missing her left pinky and ring finger, which lay down at the feet of Lancer, both of them burned to a crisp. Lancer, meanwhile, looked perfectly fine.

Both Lancer and Irisviel looked confused at Saber. "What is it, Saber-dono? Have you finally figured out that your current self cannot beat me?" Lancer looked disappointed, before he readied his spears, pointing them once again at Saber. "It's a real shame. I expected you to be of a higher level, someone like Masamune-dono or even Archer-dono." He looked at Saber, ready to deliver the final blow. "Enemy master-sama, I recommend that you use a command seal to heal your servant and power her up, or I will burn you out of this war."

"Heh… that isn't it, Sanada Nobushige Yukimura." Saber said as a mad grin appearing on her face.

"I congratulate you on figuring out my true name, Saber-dono. However, this won't stop you from losing!" Kiritsugu stood on standby. The moment Lancer rushed in to kill Saber he would use a command seal to teleport Saber to the castle, and order Maiya to kill Kayneth. It was a tactic that would most likely cost his wife her life, but if one life has to be sacrificed to safe the rest, it would be worth it.

Saber lifted her hand, apparently with great difficulty. "No, it's the opposite. You are already dead, and I'm the winner. Hahaha…" Everyone there thought that Saber had gone delusional, including her proxy master.

"Then I bid you farewell, Saber-dono. I'll send back to the throne." Lancer wanted to lunge at Saber, but Saber interrupted him once again.

"Look at your left arm, Lancer." Lancer did as Saber said, unable to think that this enemy could do even so much as scratch him. And Lancer was proven wrong when he found out she did.

She managed to draw his blood, and a small trickle of that red stuff flowed down to his hand. "A single scratch is not enough to win a battle, Saber-dono."

"No, it is." Saber's aura went from delusional to blood serious, like her insanity was all an act. Lancer didn't believe it, until he saw weird black sigils flowing from the location of his wound to the rest of the body. Acting on instinct alone, he immediately cut off his left arm, knowing that if he didn't, he would most likely die. "It's too late. It's already spread through your entire body by the time those symbols appear. I just had to buy some time to prevent you from cutting off your arm too early."

Lancer understood the problems he was in. "You, what did y-urgk!" Lancer clutched his chest, and fell down on the ground, biting the dust.

"Mission accomplished."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, on to the obligatory question and answers:<strong>

**What is Fuyuki Beef, and why is it so great?  
>Let me answer that with a question: Do you know which real-life city Fuyuki is based on? No? Well, that city is Kobe, famous for the most luxurious meat in the entire world. Kobe beef is made from Wagyu cows, who are fed corn and beer. Yes, these cows get beer. And they get massages. And it tastes absolutely divine, I can tell you. I guess Saber probably fainted when she found out she was in meat heaven.<strong>

**Why do you start with Fuyuki Beef instead of the tragic death of Lancer? And how the hell did he lose so quickly?  
>I like meat, so meat goes first *high fives Saber*. For the second question, Lancers death is a combination of bad compatibility and luck, his only real weakness. What also didn't help was that he exposes a ton of skin and doesn't wear any armor, which might've saved him against Saber. He might be able to trash Saber; as long as she gets in one hit, she wins. And besides, being Lancer is suffering. This one is no exception.<strong>

**What took you so long to update?  
>Well… kids, never forget to back up your files, because if your computer crashes, you lose EVERYTHING!<strong>

**Something else?  
>First of all, it took me 2 days, 8 pounds and 1 book on good English wit and humor to figure out a joke so bad that it is downright horrible.<br>Secondly , I did always wonder why women are totally fine wearing bikinis, but wouldn't be caught dead in skimpy dresses, even though the latter covers more. Anybody got the answer?**


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